Honest Confessions from My Core

I must admit that often in my life there are incidents which I find very bizarre and they keep me wondering that why did they had to be like that only. Sometimes I feel that I have done a lot, the way I reciprocate with the people around me and my heart is undoubtedly kind enough that it gets hurt easily,  though in its solace it does weeps a  lot but on the outer surface  there is never any outlet to express those feelings which had kept me awake for nights only worrying what should I have done then or how I should have reacted when those incidents entrapped me in its arms.

Undoubtedly in the end everything gets better and since change is a part of this world, so it does takes place in its due course, be it in the relationships or be it in the person’s behavior. A lot has changed in me and also in the people around me; still there are things that compel me to think that is it really possible to change the nature of a stone? Stone is hard and it does not goes through any kind of internal change by itself only the outer surface can be molded by carving still its basic nature will remain the same. It will remain hard and heartless same ways there are many people who are not able to change themselves from inside and no matter how hard they try to be beautiful on the outside their ugliness in the inside can still be judged.

For those people even our acts of kindness and humbleness won’t do, they will still find a way of poking you in a reverse mode and you will find that you wanted the things to be better, but they wanted it to be worst so they did it, they ruined it and you are helpless! But for a while because somewhere things and our random acts of good or bad are being watched over by someone mightier than us. Whatever is done is done, but the fruits we ripen is only by his will and I know it very well that whatever we throw at others comes straight back to us. I just want people to understand this and really wish if we could really purge off the evils like jealousy, anger, seeing the low and high in people, not understanding the true love, being selfish to others and so on. The list is big and honestly I find all these to be extremely adamant behavioral patterns in the people and mental disturbance causing viruses and they are more in numbers if we compare.

I have noticed myriad times, people are envious in their own circle of family and friends if they see each other rising, everybody wants to grow, and so let others grow as well. Why feel jealous and talk at their backs, not at all a spiritual behavior! I have used the word spiritual here because I know we all have it, the only thing is how we channelize it to flow out and get reflected. I find much more negativity around; people are crazy to suppress each other, pull the legs to go higher than their own blood, friends then comes nowhere in this race. I have my experiences in friends and relationships and most of them are sometimes bitter and sometimes extremely sweet, I have my fears in relationships as well. Somewhere a line has to be drawn, between every relationship. When we grow up and are introduced into the world of  people who were once strangers and suddenly they come in our life and become those with whom we have to share our whole life, not necessarily our life partners’ but those who come along with this unison we have to be loving, giving, caring towards them as well and yet there has to be a transparent line that should not be crossed in the process. Do it from your heart, but restrain yourself enough that if ever things go wrong you are not hurt. For me again saying is easy, and not acting upon because I myself do it every time from heart it gives me immense pleasure and contentment.  At times I am hurt too, but who cares as long as I am me, nobody can reap me off my true soul entity….

*Monalisa Joshi*